Get What You Need
by aumontalc
Summary: Set in season 7. Cristina finds out she is pregnant. Jackson and April start to feel sparks.


**Chapter 1**

She wouldn't let him touch her stomach. She'd stepped away from him. Out of the whole conversation, all that was said. That's what he focused on. That Cristina didn't want him to touch her.

Owen had never realized how much he wanted kids until she'd told him she was pregnant. Now, it was all that was on his mind. A boy or girl that was half him, half Cristina. He was trying his best to push back the hurt of knowing that she didn't want their child.

Opening the door to their home, he was surprised to find her there. After their disagreement, he'd expected her to find refuge at Meredith's. But she hadn't. She was here with him and for some odd reason that gave him hope.

"I got pizza," he said, setting the box on the counter and taking plates down from the cabinet. "Do you want a slice?"

"No, I'm good. I wanted to continue our talk from earlier. I'm not going to lie and say that I didn't want to hide out at Meredith's house, but I chose to come here. To let you have your say. I didn't really let you do that earlier. You're right. You're my partner and you should get to speak your mind."

Owen stared at her, surprised he hadn't picked up on her pregnancy symptoms earlier. She looked tired and pale. Her appetite had changed over the past couple of weeks too. He should have figured it out. He could tell she wasn't feeling good so he was going to be as kind as possible.

"I want this baby Cristina. I could lie to save your feelings, but I won't. This baby has been all I've thought about since you told me. We would have such an amazing kid. A total badass. Haven't you even considered keeping it?" He asked, cognizant of the desperation in his own voice.

Cristina shook her head at him. "No, I haven't. I've never glossed over the fact that I didn't want children. You've known for a long time that I didn't want to be a mother. Like I told you earlier, children deserve parents who want them. Not just one parent, but both. How is this child going to feel when its mother cares more about surgeries than him? I'm sorry, but I can't."

Turning to get a glass of water, he took a couple deep breaths to calm himself. He faced her and whispered, "Why don't you want my child?"

Her face softened. "It's not about you. If I could give you this child without it affecting me, I would. This child would ruin my whole life, my career, everything I've worked for all these years. I don't want to be pregnant with anyone's child. Ever."

"Cristina, I think you should go over to Meredith's house."

"Why? We're being adults. Expressing our feelings. This is what people in a relationship do."

"Go to Meredith's," he said again.

"No."

"Fine, I'll leave," he said, moving towards the door.

"Why are you being such a coward about this? I don't want to have a baby. I'll have an abortion and things will go back to normal. People do this all the time. Why is it such a big deal?"

"Why is it such a big deal? Why is it such a big deal? I don't know. Maybe because we're married. Maybe because I actually want this child. Maybe because I was happy that I created a human being with you." She looked at him, her face completely blank. "You don't get it do you?" Grabbing his keys, he said, "Don't wait up."

* * *

April didn't understand how he couldn't see it. For someone who had attended an Ivy League school, he could be so dense. Lexie was never going to feel about him the way he felt about her. Jackson either didn't notice or didn't care that Lexie was clearly still in love with Mark.

She'd warned him to be careful, but he'd shrugged off her advice. She really couldn't blame him. It wasn't as if she knew a lot about relationships. She was still a virgin after all. The only dates she had gone on in the last few years were with the curmudgeonly Dr. Stark. That hadn't lasted long. Why had she dated him in the first place? She knew why. She just didn't like admitting it to herself.

Stark had been a much-needed distraction from her true feelings. Yet, he hadn't been enough. As long as she lived in Meredith's house, she would have a constant reminder of her feelings. It didn't matter where she went Lexie and Jackson were getting it on in there. She was both annoyed by and jealous of their relationship. So much so, she had truly considered "watching" a movie at Robert's house. In the end, she'd decided to end the farce, because she'd never been particularly good at pretending. Nor was she adept at hiding her feelings, but after her fiasco of a crush on Dr. Shepherd she'd learned to mask her emotions more. Well, she'd learned how to stop blushing and stammering all the time around men she found attractive. She found it helped not to look directly at Jackson or to be doing something else when he was around. If she acted like his mere physical presence didn't make her weak in the knees, then she could be around him without looking like a total fool.

Except for today. They'd been in the elevator and he'd reached past her to push the button for his floor. His arm had ever so lightly brushed hers. That had been enough to make her face flush and her heart race. When he'd looked at her, she knew that he'd immediately recognized her reaction for what it was. And he'd smirked. Completely mortified, she'd gotten off the elevator the next time the doors opened. As she'd walked away, she heard him chuckle, "April, this isn't even your floor."

So here she was sitting with Karev at Joe's watching Lexie and Jackson talk and laugh with each other, knowing that Jackson was basically a fling for Lexie, and wishing that she was more than just his friend.

**Chapter 2: Happy**

Really? She was still stuck on that loser? Jackson shook his head. Hadn't she learned her lesson the first time? The last thing April needed was that guy in her life. There was no doubt in Jackson's mind that he'd easily crush April's fragile spirit and walk away without remorse. No, she needed someone with patience. Someone that wasn't an asshole. He was probably one of the few people who knew how badly her feelings got hurt when the others made fun of her voice, her perpetual perkiness, or the fact that she was still a virgin. He guiltily remembered the times he had teased her about being a virgin or her crush on Shepherd. She was sweet and kind. She deserved someone who would be good to her.

He watched as she laughed and playfully hit Karev on the shoulder before walking towards him.

"Hey Jackson," she said in her normal cheery voice.

"What's up with you and him?" he asked.

April shrugged. "We were just talking about one of our patients who we think is faking a British accent. Alex was mimicking him. His accent is decent. Alex could totally pass as someone from the UK."

"Oh, it looked like you were flirting with him."

"I guess I was a little," April admitted.

"Going down that road again? Thought you got burned last time."

"Now I'm older and wiser."

"But still a virgin."

April's face turned red. "I don't see how that's relevant."

"I'm just saying Karev is all about screwing. He's not looking for a relationship."

"Maybe I want the same thing."

Jackson gritted his teeth. He saw a nearby nurse who was intently listening to their conversation. Taking her by the arm, he led her to the stairs.

"Jackson, I have work to do on this floor," April said, pulling back a little.

"Yeah, well I want to say something to you without everyone and their dog knowing about it tomorrow."

April sat on the stairs while Jackson paced back and forth. He had to say this the right way or she would get offended.

"April, you've waited a really long time to have sex. You shouldn't sleep with just anyone just to get it over with. Let it be with someone special. I want you to be as happy as Lexie and I are."

"You're joking right? Your happiness," April put up air quotation marks as she said the word "isn't real. When are you going to realize that your girlfriend is still in love with Sloan?"

He didn't want to admit that he had similar suspicions. Instead, he approached her slowly, meeting her where she now stood with her brown eyes misty, bottom lip trembling.

"I'm sorry. I'm your friend. I shouldn't have said that. I'm such a horrible…Jackson," she gasped, before his mouth clamped onto hers.

* * *

She heard the turn of the lock and the door opening. Owen was home. Finally. She'd only seen glimpses of him at work and she'd missed him. Lately, she had been feeling really clingy and emotional. She blamed it on her pregnancy.

Owen walked into their bedroom. "Hey," he said.

"Hey," she said back tentatively. She watched him take off his clothes, change into an old shirt, and put on sweat pants. Damn, he was hot. Even though she was angry with him, she couldn't help but notice how good his body looked. It had been days since they last had sex.

Owen crawled into bed behind her and looped his arm around her waist. "I'm sorry. If you…if you don't want this child, I will stand by you. For better or worse, right?"

Cristina turned her head to look at him. His voice had choked on his last words and there were tears in his eyes. She'd never realized her decision would be this hard on him. He'd never acted like he cared whether or not they had kids. To be honest, she'd never asked and hadn't cared.

Moving her body so that she could face him fully, Cristina raised her hand so she could smooth it over his brow. She suddenly realized how selfish she was being. This baby was something he really wanted. She didn't want it, but that didn't mean he didn't get to help make this decision. Taking a deep breath, she said, "On a scale of one to ten, how badly do you want this child?"

He looked at her confusedly. Then, he replied, "Ten."

"Owen, out of respect for you and your feelings about this baby, I'm going to wait a few weeks before I make a final decision about what to do."

"What exactly are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I haven't made up my mind completely. I'm giving you a chance to change my mind. Show me why we should have this baby."

Owen looked at her hopefully. "Are you serious? Are you really thinking about keeping this baby?"

Cristina nodded her head. "I may be all about me all the time, but I do love you. I want you to be happy too. And if having a baby makes you happy. I'm going to at least think about keeping it."

A smile spread across his face. He put his arms around her and squeezed her tight.

**Chapter 3: Nauseous**

Cristina woke up to the smell of coffee. She loved coffee. She had dreams about it. There were times when she'd rather have coffee than sex. But today, the smell of her favorite caffeinated beverage was sickening. Tossing away the covers, Cristina got out of bed and hurried to the bathroom.

Minutes later, she emerged feeling drained and depleted. Morning sickness wasn't new to her. She'd had a lot of it with her first pregnancy as well. If she were the type to make a list of pros and cons for keeping the baby, morning sickness would definitely be on the cons side.

"Cristina," Owen called. "I've made you breakfast."

Pressing the back of her hand against her mouth, she walked weakly into the kitchen. The smell of eggs and coffee assaulted her. Closing her eyes, she muttered, "Owen, I don't want to eat. That smell is making me nauseous."

Panicked, Owen asked, "Is it the eggs or the coffee? Whatever it is, I'll get rid of it."

"It's both."

Already scraping the eggs down the drain, Owen said, "Why don't you take a shower? When you're done all this will have disappeared. I could make you some toast and some tea instead. Does that sound good?"

"Whatever. That sounds fine," she said, heading back to the bathroom.

A half hour later, she returned to the kitchen. All traces of the eggs and coffee were gone. The smell of air freshener lingered in the air. Sitting down in a stool next to the counter, she watched as Owen poured her a cup of tea and placed a plate of dry toast in front of her.

"Do you feel better?" he asked.

Biting into the toast, Cristina nodded her head. The shower had made her feel much better. Owen walked behind her and began to massage her lower back. She moaned, "That feels good."

He continued rubbing her back in slow circles. He murmured against the nape of her neck, "I'm sorry that you're not feeling well. Anything you need…Anything that I can do that will make you feel better let me know and I'll do it."

"Just keep doing what you're doing," she said.

She realized yet again just how badly he wanted this child. She had always known he loved her, that he cared about her. But she'd never witnessed this side of him before. He'd never taken care of her like this, pampered her. Under normal circumstances, she didn't care for such mushiness. Now that she was pregnant and not feeling well, she discovered she didn't mind it. She rather liked seeing this sweet and tender side of Owen. The pros and cons were officially tied.

* * *

April's hand shook slightly as she picked up the coffee pot. She was alone in the kitchen with just Jackson. Deciding to skip breakfast, April hurriedly poured coffee into her travel mug. Missing the mug, the coffee trickled onto her hand instead. "Ouch," she yelped.

Jackson quickly walked over to where she was standing and gently took her hand to examine it. April pulled her hand free from his grasp. "April…" he said.

"It's fine. I just spilled a little coffee on it," she told him. Turning on the sink, she placed her hand under the cold water and hoped that it would cool the burn on her hand and the flaming in her cheeks. After yesterday, she felt extremely uncomfortable around him and he was acting as if nothing had happened.

How she wished that were true. Then, she wouldn't feel so guilty. But it had happened. His first kiss had let to another and another. He'd pressed her up against the wall, his hands running through her hair while he kissed her. Loving him like she did, she'd had zero willpower. There was no way she could have pulled herself away from him. Every once in a while, Jackson would pull back to catch his breath, but it was never long before his lips returned to hers. When they'd heard footsteps approaching, Jackson had broken away, his chest heaving. Embarrassed, April had turned on her heel and fled up the stairs before anyone found them. This morning was the first time she'd seen him since the stairwell.

Glancing up from her hand, she saw Jackson's eyes on her. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "That shouldn't have happened yesterday."

"What shouldn't have happened yesterday?" Lexie asked, walking into the kitchen.

Lowering her head, April quickly dried off her hands. She listened as Jackson lied, "I was in a hurry to leave and forgot to do one of my post-ops yesterday. April had to stay late to cover for me."

"Isn't that what friends are for?" Lexie asked. "By the way, thanks for covering for him. We had a great time last night." Smiling, she added, "And this morning."

April winced both at Jackson's lie and at Lexie's insinuation. Unable to speak, she successfully filled her cup this time and headed out the door. She usually car-pooled with everyone, but today she didn't want to be around anyone. She felt stupid and hurt. Stupid because she'd let Jackson kiss her. Hurt because it clearly hadn't been as meaningful to him as it had been to her. Never again, she told herself. This crush had lasted way too long. She had to do something about it. Be proactive and remove herself from the situation. And the first step was finding her own place.

**Chapter 4: Startled**

Jackson couldn't focus on the movie. Here he was laying on the couch with his girlfriend who he was crazy about and yet his mind kept straying. All he could think about was April. He'd been so stupid yesterday. He shouldn't have kissed her, but once he'd started, he couldn't get enough. Closing his eyes, he remembered the feel of her lips against his own. She had the softest lips. She had been a little shy and tentative at first, but had quickly gotten into it as much as him. His hands had barely grazed her breasts when they'd heard footsteps and she'd run off.

Snapping himself out of his thoughts, Jackson felt guilty for wishing he could have finished what he'd started with April while he was hanging out with his girlfriend. He should be thinking about and wanting her, but instead he was wondering what it would be like to hold April in his arms. Spend the night with her. Stop, he told himself, focus on who you're with. He tilted Lexie's face up towards his own and began to kiss her, determined to replace his thoughts of the other girl with the reality of the one in his arms.

A minute later, they were startled by the sound of the front door shutting. April bumbled in awkwardly carrying a couple packages of boxes. He abruptly sat up. Something didn't seem right.

"What's with the boxes April?" Lexie asked.

"Umm, I've decided to get a place of my own. You know Derek and Meredith are trying to adopt a baby. I thought I should probably get out of the way. They might need to use my room as a nursery or something."

What a load of BS, Jackson thought. This was about what happened yesterday. Getting up from the couch, he strolled over and took one of the packages from April. "I'll help you take these back to your room."

Not giving her a chance to respond, he made his way up the stairs and to her room. Once they were both in, he closed the door. "Tell me why you're really moving," he demanded.

April rolled her eyes at him. "You know why."

"Come on, I've already apologized about yesterday. I should have never done that and I promise it won't happen again."

"Well, your apology isn't enough. I've realized I need to move on with my life. Living in a frat house with co-workers isn't helping me live the life I want to lead. I've found a place and I'm moving there this weekend. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some packing to do."

As he went back downstairs to finish the movie with Lexie, Jackson felt strangely empty inside.

* * *

The light of the TV flickered inside their dark living room. Resting from a long day at work, Cristina and Owen were curled up together on the couch. Owen was feeling ill at ease. He'd caught Cristina crying earlier in the on call room today. She rarely cried. It was odd to see and he knew it was because of him and the baby. Maybe he shouldn't push so hard to keep this baby, but, damn it, he really wanted a child with his wife. Was that really so much to ask?

Muting the television, Owen looked at his wife and asked, "Do you mind if I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"You were pregnant before weren't you?"

She slowly raised her eyes to his, looking doubtful as to where the conversation was headed. "Yes, I told you that I got pregnant when I was an intern. That was when I was with Burke."

"Did you ever think about keeping that baby?"

"No and neither did my body. I had a miscarriage."

Owen stopped the movement of his hand. He hadn't realized that he'd been rubbing his wife's stomach this whole time. Cristina sounded and looked uncomfortable discussing this topic, but he had to know more. Propping himself up on his elbow, he continued, "How did you feel about that?"

"I don't know. I was set on having an abortion. I had scheduled it and asked Meredith to come with me. But then I had the miscarriage. I don't know what happened, whether it was all the hormones or the stress of being an intern or both, but I just wept for like an hour. I was sad and scared. I didn't like feeling like that. I don't like not being in control of my emotions. Owen, I know you want a baby, but I'm scared. I'm scared that this kid is going to ruin my whole life. I'm scared that I won't have time to take care of it and have a career at the same time. Mostly, I'm scared that my life will spiral completely out of control. I know who I am. I know what I want to do with my life. Kids are so unpredictable. Having one will mess with all my plans for the future."

Owen swept the hair from her forehead and pressed a kiss against her temple. He lay there with her for a couple of minutes, just holding her and stroking her hair. He was trying to process the information that she had given him. Many people thought that Cristina was self-centered and inconsiderate, but Owen knew that wasn't the whole story. She was highly driven and self-motivated and she didn't handle big changes well. When she'd said that she didn't like not being in control, he hadn't been surprised.

"A baby is going to change our lives. We'll never have the same life again. It'll take courage to just trust that everything will turn out alright in the end."

Cristina looked up at him with tears in her eyes as she said, "I'm not sure I have the courage to do this."

Gritting his teeth to keep his own tears at bay, Owen nodded his head and turned the TV volume back up.

**Chapter 5: Frustrated**

She couldn't believe the decision she was making. It was so very unlike her. This decision had the potential to derail everything she had worked so hard for in her life: her career, her independence, her future. Yet, this decision also had the potential to make the person she loved most in the world very happy.

"Owen, do you have a second?" she asked.

Her husband put down his chart and followed her to an on call room. "What's up?"

Cristina raked her fingers through her hair. "So I've been giving this a lot of thought the last couple weeks. I'm not 100% sure this is actually going to work, but I will give it a try. You might end up a single dad, but I will have the baby."

A huge grin spread across Owen's face. He picked up Cristina and spun her around. Peppering kisses across her face, he said, "I'm so glad you are keeping this baby. I love you. I love you."

Cristina's heart melted a little at the sight of her husband's elated face. She could not comprehend why someone would want a child this much but she would give him a chance to have the happiness he desired.

"We'll see how much you love me when I'm all fat and bloated. You know I plan to keep operating until this kid pops out, right?"

"I wouldn't expect anything else." Owen pulled her in for a kiss. "Anything you want. Anytime. Anyplace. Let me know. Any weird cravings. Any sudden desires. I'm your guy."

"Sudden desires? That's right. Some pregnant women get super horny."

"Do you happen to be one of those women?"

Ironically, as he said those words, a wave of queasiness hit Cristina. Shaking her head, she replied, "Yeah, I'm not going to be one of those pregnant women. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to throw up in a toilet now."

Owen opened his mouth to respond, but closed it as she hurried out the door.

Cristina finished hurling the remnants of her breakfast into the toilet. Flushing the toilet, she stepped out of the stall and found Kepner fixing her hair and applying lip gloss.

A look of concern spread across Kepner's face as she noted Cristina's wan appearance. "Are you OK? Do you need me to get Meredith or Chief Hunt?"

Might as well get this over with, Cristina thought. "No, "I'm fine, just pregnant."

April stared at her in shock. Other than Meredith and Owen, April was the first person she had told about her baby.

"Umm, I didn't know you and Hunt were trying to have a baby."

"We weren't. Don't go blabbing about this to every one you know. The only reason I told you is that I didn't want you telling everyone I was getting sick."

"I won't. Well, congratulations!"

Cristina shrugged. "Thanks."

* * *

April didn't know why she'd felt the need to freshen her lip gloss and fix her hair. Yet, she had gone to the bathroom to do just that. She hadn't expected Yang to tell her about her pregnancy. A bit of shock must have been left on her face because Jackson came up to her with a worried look on his face.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Oh, nothing," she replied.

Jackson looked as if he didn't believe her, but he didn't push her further. Holding out a chart, he said, "I need your help with this patient. You're good with kids. Maybe he'll open up to you. He's hurting, but he won't tell us where the pain is."

April was staring at Jackson's lips as he was speaking. All she could think about was the kiss they'd shared weeks ago. His mouth had known exactly what to do. She had never been kissed that way before. The memory made her blush. Who was she kidding? She wouldn't be able to help him with this patient. There was no way she would be able to focus.

"I've got other patients. I don't think I'll have time to help you. Check with Karev. He's good with kids or you could try Lexie."

"I wanted to work with you. We haven't done anything together since you moved out. I've missed having you around."

"You mean you've missed me doing your laundry."

Jackson grinned. "That too."

"The answer's still no. I'm just really swamped with all my other patients today."

A frustrated expression passed over Jackson's face. He lowered his voice. "You're trying to avoid me."

April stuttered, "O-of course not. I've just been really busy at work and settling into my new apartment."

"I offered to help you move."

"I'm fine. I can do it by myself."

Jackson leaned in even closer. "I think you're nervous about being alone with me. You're worried something might happen."

"No, I don't," April barely breathed.

Shaking his head, he whispered, "I wish you would get over your crush already. It's kind of ridiculous for someone your age. I want things to go back to normal. I miss my friend."

April glanced at him like a hurt doe. Shoving the chart back into his chest, she didn't even bother to reply.

**Chapter 6: Tempted**

Jackson knocked on the door to April's apartment. He'd been a total douche this afternoon and needed to find a way to make it up to her. That's why he was here with a bottle of wine and take out from her favorite Italian restaurant.

When April answered the door, he smiled and asked, "Can I come in?"

"Jackson, I don't think that's a good idea."

"I was a jerk today. I'm sorry. Please let me make it up to you."

April stared at him nonplussed.

"Come on. I brought some wine and some food from Luigi's. I got your favorite, Chicken Marsala."

April bit her lip, clearly tempted. He decided to tip the scales in his favor and reveal his secret weapon. "And for dessert I got tiramisu."

Jackson chuckled when April's eyes lit up. Stepping back, April allowed him into the apartment. Walking over to the kitchen counter, he set the to go bag and the wine down.

Turning around, Jackson grabbed April's shoulders and brought her in close for a hug. Moving his hand slowly up and down her back, he whispered in her ear, "I was really awful to you today. You didn't deserve it in the least. I am sorry. Will you forgive me?"

April stepped back from the hug and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. Nodding her head, she said, "Yeah, let's just forget it happened."

After dinner, Jackson asked, "Do you want to watch a movie or something?"

"Sure. Let me see. I have Lord of the Rings. I haven't seen that in a while. Do you want to watch it?"

"Sounds good to me."

April woke up, startled by Jackson's short bark of laughter. Looking at the TV, she saw that Gollum was talking to himself and calling the ring "my precious." That scene always made Jackson laugh.

Her head had been on Jackson's shoulder. Tilting her head, she saw that Jackson was looking back at her.

"Hey sleepyhead, glad to see you finally woke up."

"I didn't realize I was so tired. How much did I miss?"

"About the last hour or so."

Yawning, April attempted to put some space between herself and Jackson. Being this near to him did strange things to her.

Jackson's arm reached around her and pulled her in close. "Don't go. You were keeping me warm."

Placing her hand on his chest, April tried once more to put some distance between them. "Jackson, I can't be this near you. It's...it's not a good idea," she stuttered.

Jackson's hold kept her from moving. His eyes burned with an intensity she hadn't seen since the feverish minutes they had spent on the stairwell. Both of his hands moved to cup her face.

"I know I shouldn't do this, but you're the one person who always makes me feel better. Whenever I'm sad or upset, you never fail to cheer me up. You're so kind, so loving I can't help but want to be with you."

By now, Jackson's voice had dropped to barely a whisper. His thumb was gently stroking her cheek. Pulling her face close to his, he said softly, "I know I shouldn't, but I want to so badly."

April didn't try to fight him when his lips pressed against hers. In fact, she did the opposite, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in closer. She felt the thump, thump, thump of his heart next to her breast. She knew she was being bad. She knew he was dating Lexie but she didn't care.

Within a few moments, her shirt was on the floor as well as his. Their hands were all over each other.

After a few moments, Jackson reared his head back. "You're a virgin. I shouldn't be doing this. Your first time shouldn't be like this."

April placed her hands on both sides of his face. Smiling, she whispered, "It's OK. Really. I want you to be my first." And only, she thought.

* * *

"You know ultrasounds aren't cheap. You are abusing your status as the Chief by doing this," Cristina told Owen.

Owen shot her a cocky grin. "I know, but I don't really care. This is my kid we're talking about. I want to see what he looks like."

"He?" Cristina asked as she laid down on the hospital bed and lifted the bottom of her shirt.

Owen squeezed some of the cold jelly onto her stomach. "I know it's presumptuous, but for some reason I've had it in my head that we're having a boy."

Cristina didn't admit out loud that she thought they were having a boy too. Looking at the ultrasound, she looked for any indication showing whether they would have a boy or a girl. Of course, she knew that it was way too early to tell. She noted her child's heartbeat and all the other indications that proved the child inside her was strong and healthy.

"He's got a good heartbeat. Looks like everything is as it ought to be," Owen said before shutting off the ultrasound machine.

After Cristina had wiped off the jelly and straightened her clothes, she gave Owen a hug and kissed him. "Sorry," she said as she pulled away. "This whole pregnancy thing is making me extra needy and emotional."

"That's alright," Owen said winking at her. "I kind of like you this way."

**Chapter 7: Ashamed**

Jackson woke with a rumble in his belly. He was hungry, but couldn't think why. Realization slowly set in as the soft, silky body pressed against him made a groan escape from the back of his throat. April had completely worn him out last night. They had made love not once but twice. No wonder he was starving.

Her scent wafted to his nostrils. She smelt of lavender, but he could also detect the salty scent of sweat. He smiled remembering what they'd done that had made her sweat. Burying his face in her neck, he pulled her closer. He didn't want to get up, didn't want to face the day. Just wanted to stay here with April and forget that he should be feeling guilty.

April wriggled in his arms, her eyes slowly opening. He smiled down at her. "Good morning," he murmured, brushing a kiss against her lips.

"Good morning," she replied, softly returning his kiss.

She looked tired and sated, but she had an undeniable glow about her. He grinned to himself. He was the reason she looked that way. Last night had been amazing. And this morning he didn't want to let her go. In fact, he wanted to relive last night all over again. And again. And again.

Scooting closer to her, he put one arm on each side of her head, hovering over her. He began a trail of kisses from her neck to her bare shoulders. Her skin was just too delicious. He had to have a nibble. He smirked against her neck as a moan escaped her lips. He could tell that she enjoyed the caress. And for a complete novice, April wasn't too bad herself. She'd certainly done her share of things to make him groan in the night.

As his hand was slipping lower, he heard the beeping of his pager. An expletive slipped out of his mouth as he got out of bed and hunted for his jeans.

"It's an emergency," he said. "They need everyone."

* * *

April looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. After a ten hour shift, she looked downright exhausted. It didn't help that her mascara was running and that no matter how hard she tried she couldn't stop the tears from falling.

She was such a fool. She'd lost her virginity to a man she had no business losing her virginity to. He was in a committed relationship for heaven's sake!

April was startled when the door to the bathroom opened. And of course the visitor would have to be the one person she had no desire to see.

"Hey, April. Is everything OK?" asked Lexie.

April mutely nodded, her heart squeezed with guilt. She'd just spent the most wonderful night of her life with this woman's boyfriend. She felt like the lowest of the low. What she had done was horrible and inexcusable. She'd acted like she hadn't been raised by good, upstanding people.

"OK. If you want to talk, let me know."

"Thanks," April croaked.

After Lexie went into a bathroom stall, April got out as quick as possible. She was supposed to meet everyone at Joe's but it just didn't feel right. She would instead go home and try to find a way to come to terms with what she'd done.

"April!" Jackson called as he knocked on her door. "Open up. We need to talk."

April cracked the door open. "Jackson, just go. I don't feel like talking to anyone right now."

"Come on. Let me in. We have things to talk about. Things I'm pretty sure you don't want your neighbors to hear."

"You wouldn't," April whispered.

"Care to find out?"

Sighing, April opened the door wider and let Jackson inside. "Just be quick will you? I don't really feel up to having company right now."

"Too bad. So what's up with you? You've avoided me all day and then you didn't come to Joe's like you said you would."

April laughed humorlessly. "What's up with me? Do you not remember what happpened last night?'

"I do. And it was pretty awesome."

"I'm glad you think cheating on your girlfriend is awesome. Because I feel like a total skank now."

Jackson chuckled. No one would ever think that April who had been a virgin for 28 years was a skank. "You are not a skank."

Frustrated, April yelled, "Why are you not bothered by this? Don't you realize that what we did last night was wrong, very, very wrong?"

Jackson rubbed the back of his head with his hand. "Yeah, I know," he murmured. "I just haven't let myself think about it."

"Well, we have to."

"I just...I mean I liked Lexie for so long and we get along great and then this whole thing happens with you. Out of nowhere. I can't get you out of my head. I feel like a total slime ball for doing this to Lexie, but when I'm with you everything feels just right."

"Well, it shouldn't! Jackson, I'm sorry, but I don't think we can be friends after this. We stepped way out of bounds." April said, quite choked up.

"Don't be ridiculous. We can still be friends. We'll just make sure this doesn't happen again."

"Oh, sure. What are you going to tell Lexie?"

Jackson didn't blink as he said, "I'm not planning on saying anything to her. She doesn't need to know."

April began to pace the floor, clearly distraught. "You might be able to pretend last night didn't happen, but I can't. Lexie walked into the bathroom while I was in there today. I couldn't even look at her. I was so disgusted with myself."

"You shouldn't feel guilty. Last night was all my fault. I take complete responsibility for it. I...I wouldn't have let it happen if I had known how much it would hurt you."

April was silent, looking away from Jackson and trying her best to blink back tears. He regretted last night. Of course, he would. And she did too. But then again, she didn't. She was never going to forget last night. And not because of the shame and guilt it had caused. But because of how he'd made her feel. She couldn't imagine losing her virginity with a more gentle and loving partner. Every kiss, every touch had been magical. With him standing here, she only wanted to do it again. He had whet her appetite and she was hungry for more. But it was wrong, very wrong, she reminded herself.

"April, look at me," Jackson asked.

April shook her head and bit her lip, fixing her eyes on the picture of her and Reed graduating. What would Reed do in this situation? She'd probably tell her to get hers. And that it was about damn time she did.

"I don't want to," she whispered.

"April," Jackson said pleadingly as he gently turned her head towards his. "What's wrong?"

"I don't really regret last night. It hurts that you do."

Jackson cleared his throat. "I don't. I don't regret it at all. Given the chance to do it all again, I would."

Hope rose in April's chest. "So does that mean you are going to break up with Lexie?"


End file.
